BTRFS w/ quotas hangs on read-write mount using all available RAM - rev2

[<admiral@admiralbulli.de>]

Dear btrfs team,
thanks for all your great work!
I have been running btrfs now for several years and really like the
robustness and ease of use!

Last week I experienced 99% the same thing as described here by Loren M.
Lang:
https://www.spinics.net/lists/linux-btrfs/msg81173.html
only difference: This is not my / but a 40TB storage mounted to
/media/btrfs1/

quick summary what happend:
- enabled quotas to better understand where all my space has gone
- started balancing
- system got completely stuck due to the meanwhile well understood reasons
- pushed reset button

I can mount my btrfs system perfectly read-only and access the data. As soon
as I try to mount rw, my system will exremely slow down, memory will fill up
until I will finally end up with a panicking kernel.

So, no problem to successfully boot with the fstab entries on ro or
commented out.

   admiral@server:/$ uname -a
   Linux server.domain.loc 4.19.0-21-amd64 #1 SMP Debian 4.19.249-2
(2022-06-30) x86_64 GNU/Linux

   admiral@server:/$ btrfs --version
   btrfs-progs v5.10.1

Here the question:
I am looking for the option to disable quota on an unmounted btrfs like
described here:
https://patchwork.kernel.org/project/linux-btrfs/patch/20180812013358.16431-
1-wqu@suse.com/

All my trials and checks et cetera were performed with btrfs-progs v4.20.1-2
as debian buster's latest state:
https://packages.debian.org/de/buster/btrfs-progs

I already upgraded the btrfs-progs to debian backport v5.10.1 but do not
find any option to offline disable quota, yet:
https://packages.debian.org/buster-backports/btrfs-progs

Can you point me some direction how to move forward to recover the btrfs?

Thanks a lot,

admiralbulli