New directions for kernel development

New directions for kernel development

[Linus Torvalds]

Hi all,

	Recently, I've been thinking a lot about where Linux development should
head now that 2.4 is out.  Specifically, I've been thinking about how we
ought to make some cultural changes as well as technical changes.  Now I'm
not *entirely* sure what directions we should head in as we move towards
3.0, but I'd like to point out a few areas that need to be addressed as well
as propose some possible solutions.  Nothing is set in stone yet, but these
are definitely issues we need to work on.

	First off, I don't like a lot of the elitism that does on among Linux
hackers.  Just because you can tell what the following script does without
executing it, doesn't mean that you're some kind of god.

#! /usr/bin/perl
@k = unpack "a"x5,'x_,d@';@o = unpack "a"x19,'Q8>tUxLm\@`Y%N@cIq]';
while ($i<19){print chr((ord($o[$i])-ord($k[$i++%5])+91)%91+32);}

	Learning to hack Un*x is an impressive accomplishment, but it's closer kin
to solving a Rubik’s cube than scaling Everest.  If you think using Un*x
makes you some kind of super genius who should be feared by mere mortals and
end users, either get over it or start using *BSD.  *BSD users (and
developers) are all complete jackasses, so you'll fit right in.

	Secondly, I'd like to address the issue of cleanliness.  Quite frankly, the
standards of personal hygiene practiced by many members of this community
are simply unacceptable.  As you all know, I am a fairly clean cut,
well-kempt person (I know, I have a bit of a gut, but compared to Maddog,
Nick Petreley or ESR, I'm a modern Adonis.), and in the Linux community that
is something of an anomaly.  Virtually all users of Linux (and all other
forms of Un*x) are unkempt, longhaired, beast-bearded dirty GNU hippies, and
I am sick and tired of having to deal with them.

	The person I have the greatest problem with is that (in)famous communist
RMS.  Now, RMS may have been responsible for GNU, the GPL, GCC and many
other contributions to the computing community, but his stance, as well as
stench, displayed in his essays and actions, nauseates me.  I mean, with
that filth-ridden beard of his, where does he have room to demand that
people refer to Linux as GNU / Linux?  When he is as clean-shaven as I, he
may claim that right, but until then, he should go back to playing his
little flute and dropping acid like there’s no tomorrow.  Honestly, if he
doesn’t shut his mouth and go back to reading Marx, I’m going to shut it for
him.  I am sorry to sound so harsh, but a little hygiene every once in a
while is a Good Thing(TM).  Makes me wish I'd gone with a closed source
license back in the day.

	Next in line of dirty scuzz-balls I have to deal with, and probably the
worst thorn in my side, is Alan Cox, the primary coder of my kernel's TCP/IP
stack (ha, what a joke!) and all around dirty GNU hippy.  Alan views
toothpaste the same way a vampire views garlic.  The man's wife (who I spent
a few years with at the University of Helsinki) often calls me crying in the
middle of the night to complain of the rank, unbearable stench the man
exudes after sex.  On several occasions at trade shows, exhibitions and beer
bashes, I have nearly fainted from the torrent of rotten odor that pours
from every inch of his toxic person.  Along with the typical GNU hygiene
(mis)habits he practices, he also bitches and whines about... well,
everything.  He lies a lot too; evidence for this can be seen in the fact he
almost always wears cheap black sunglasses when talking to people he knows
are better than him (such as myself).

	And then we come to ESR. I won't reiterate the sewer-dweller like cleansing
habits he practices as well, but I would like to focus on his general
lifestyle.  I like to refer to ESR as AGB or “Arrogant Gas Baron.”  The man’
s flatulence is legendary.  I honestly believe that given a meal of refried
beans and a match, he could reach low earth orbit.  If you have to meet with
ESR for any reason, arrange for the meeting to be outdoors and try to stay
upwind.  And his flatulence isn’t limited to his posterior either.
Frequently it comes out his mouth or even out of his keyboard.  (Those of
you who have read “The Cathedral and the Bazaar” or “Meditations of Sudden
Wealth” will know exactly what I’m talking about here.)   Additionally, he
is a complete hillbilly.  You know, the kind that goes to inner-city
computer stores and buys 386s to set up as servers all over his house, with
cigarette smoke-stained 14" monitors piled high upon his kitchen table.  He
has neither grace nor charm and can't last 15 seconds in conversation with
educated company without drifting into a tirade on gun rights or the best
methods for tanning road kill.  Couple the above facts with his ruddy
complexion (from drinking Jagermeister like it’s water) and his
child-molester mustache and you’ve got the makings of one more person who
pisses me off.

Well, that's it for now. Hopefully with these feelings off my chest and into
the Open Source community, things will change for the better. I'd like just
once to talk to a Linux user or advocate who washes and changes their
clothes at least weekly. Until then, I will be rejecting patches from anyone
whose grooming standards do not measure up.

Also, I have submitted this to slashdot with the title "A Proposed Remedy
Involving Lingering Fud and Organizational Objections to Linux Systems."  Be
on the lookout for it.

Thank you,
--Linus Torvalds

Re: New directions for kernel development

[A Guy Called Tyketto]

        Heh..

        Not even 5 minutes into the smegging day, and it's already started. ;)

                                                        BL.
-- 
Brad Littlejohn                         | Email:        tyketto@wizard.com
Unix Systems Administrator,             |           tyketto@ozemail.com.au
Web + NewsMaster, BOFH.. Smeghead! :)   |   http://www.wizard.com/~tyketto
  PGP: 1024D/E319F0BF 6980 AAD6 7329 E9E6 D569  F620 C819 199A E319 F0BF

Re: New directions for kernel development

[Nikolas Zimmermann]

On Sunday 01 April 2001 10:24, A Guy Called Tyketto wrote:
>         Heh..
>
>         Not even 5 minutes into the smegging day, and it's already started.
> ;)
>
>                                                         BL.

5 mins?
In germany ppl fool me since 10 hours :)

;)

Bye
 Bye
  Niko

-- 
Nikolas Zimmermann
wildfox@kde.org

RE: New directions for kernel development

[George Bonser]

So according to the below, Linux development should be considered an
environmental hazard?  Maybe it is in the best interest of Planet Earth that
we should provide some safe place, possibly some South Pacific island, where
we could set up a quarrantine camp for hardcore linux developers. All of
their needs would be provided for, of course, since it is not their fault
they are afflicted with this problem. Someplace near an undersea fiber link
would most likely be best since their activities will need to be closely
monitored at all times and instant global communication of their "progress"
is vital.

Judging from the pasty faces of many Linux developers, sunshine might be the
perfect remedy.

I say the UN should get right on this problem straight away!


> 	Secondly, I'd like to address the issue of cleanliness.
> Quite frankly, the
> standards of personal hygiene practiced by many members of this community
> are simply unacceptable.

> I am sorry to sound so harsh, but a little hygiene every once in a
> while is a Good Thing(TM).

> Alan views toothpaste the same way a vampire views garlic.

> I have nearly fainted from the torrent of rotten odor that pours
> from every inch of his toxic person.

> If you have to meet with
> ESR for any reason, arrange for the meeting to be outdoors and try to stay
> upwind.


> Please read the FAQ at  http://www.tux.org/lkml/

Re: New directions for kernel development

[Aaron Lehmann]

[-- Attachment #1: Type: text/plain, Size: 282 bytes --]

On Sun, Apr 01, 2001 at 12:05:32AM -0800, Linus Torvalds wrote:
> X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
> X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook IMO, Build 9.0.2416 (9.0.2910.0)
> X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.2919.6700

> Hi all,

This is why OpenPGP signatures must be used more often.

[-- Attachment #2: Type: application/pgp-signature, Size: 232 bytes --]

Re: New directions for kernel development

[Richard Gooch]

Linus Torvalds writes:

Ho, hum. No, he didn't. It's April Wankers^WFools again.

				Regards,

					Richard....
Permanent: rgooch@atnf.csiro.au
Current:   rgooch@ras.ucalgary.ca

Re: New directions for kernel development

[john slee]

On Sun, Apr 01, 2001 at 01:22:48AM -0800, Richard Gooch wrote:
> Linus Torvalds writes:
> 
> Ho, hum. No, he didn't. It's April Wankers^WFools again.

we aussies are supposed to have a good sense of humour :P

j.

-- 
"Bobby, jiggle Grandpa's rat so it looks alive, please" -- gary larson

Re: New directions for kernel development

[Kai Henningsen]

indigoid@higherplane.net (john slee)  wrote on 01.04.01 in <20010401205207.F28831@higherplane.net>:

> On Sun, Apr 01, 2001 at 01:22:48AM -0800, Richard Gooch wrote:
> > Linus Torvalds writes:
> >
> > Ho, hum. No, he didn't. It's April Wankers^WFools again.
>
> we aussies are supposed to have a good sense of humour :P

Yeah, but this one was fairly lame.


MfG Kai

Re: New directions for kernel development

[Miles Lane]

Linus Torvalds wrote:

It's definitely time for you to show up on Saturday Night Live!
You are one funny guy.  :-)

Happy April Fools Day.

	Miles

Re: New directions for kernel development

[David Riley]

Linus Torvalds wrote:

	Uhm, yeah... I don't know who wrote this, but it came from Washington
state and was written with MS Outlook... Something tells me that this
April Fool's joke wasn't Linus'. :-)

Re: New directions for kernel development

[John Jasen]

On Sun, 1 Apr 2001, Linus Torvalds wrote:

> Hi all,
>
> 	Recently, I've been thinking a lot about where Linux development should
> head now that 2.4 is out.  Specifically, I've been thinking about how we
> ought to make some cultural changes as well as technical changes.  Now I'm
> not *entirely* sure what directions we should head in as we move towards
> 3.0, but I'd like to point out a few areas that need to be addressed as well
> as propose some possible solutions.  Nothing is set in stone yet, but these
> are definitely issues we need to work on.

I see you've made no mention of the $17,000,000,000.00 check that you've
gotten from MicroSoft, in order to 'further develop' the Linux kernel?

<check the date, dudes>

--
-- John E. Jasen (jjasen1@umbc.edu)
-- In theory, theory and practise are the same. In practise, they aren't.

Re: New directions for kernel development

[Chris Meadors]

On Sun, 1 Apr 2001, David Riley wrote:

> Linus Torvalds wrote:
>
> 	Uhm, yeah... I don't know who wrote this, but it came from Washington
> state and was written with MS Outlook... Something tells me that this
> April Fool's joke wasn't Linus'. :-)

Yeah, the quality of these jokes has really gone down hill.  Last year we
had forged headers and composed with Pine.  This year we have someone with
a dialup account using Outlook, with all it's ^Os and long lines of text.
Bah.

-Chris
-- 
Two penguins were walking on an iceberg.  The first penguin said to the
second, "you look like you are wearing a tuxedo."  The second penguin
said, "I might be..."                         --David Lynch, Twin Peaks

Re: New directions for kernel development

[Ben Ford]

Chris Meadors wrote:

> On Sun, 1 Apr 2001, David Riley wrote:
> 
>> Linus Torvalds wrote:
>> 
>> 	Uhm, yeah... I don't know who wrote this, but it came from Washington
>> state and was written with MS Outlook... Something tells me that this
>> April Fool's joke wasn't Linus'. :-)
> 
> 
> Yeah, the quality of these jokes has really gone down hill.  Last year we
> had forged headers and composed with Pine.  This year we have someone with
> a dialup account using Outlook, with all it's ^Os and long lines of text.
> Bah.

Perhaps that was intended as part of the joke . . . .

-b

Re: New directions for kernel development

[Adam]

> > 	Uhm, yeah... I don't know who wrote this, but it came from Washington
> > state and was written with MS Outlook... Something tells me that this
> > April Fool's joke wasn't Linus'. :-)
>
> Yeah, the quality of these jokes has really gone down hill.  Last year we
> had forged headers and composed with Pine.  This year we have someone with
> a dialup account using Outlook, with all it's ^Os and long lines of text.

BZZT, wrong. Headers were forged intentionally to show pine since it is
what Linus uses.

I had a joke for this year as well, but I didn't hear back from Linus if
that's cool with him to send it to LKML (I suppose I should have asked him
earlier than 24hrs) so I did not send it.

For those interested, a rought draft is at

	http://www.eax.com/linux2001/linux2001.txt


-- 
Adam
http://www.eax.com      The Supreme Headquarters of the 32 bit registers

Re: New directions for kernel development

[Gregory Maxwell]

On Sun, Apr 01, 2001 at 03:05:47PM -0500, Adam wrote:
> BZZT, wrong. Headers were forged intentionally to show pine since it is
> what Linus uses.
> 
> I had a joke for this year as well, but I didn't hear back from Linus if
> that's cool with him to send it to LKML (I suppose I should have asked him
> earlier than 24hrs) so I did not send it.
> 
> For those interested, a rought draft is at
> 
> 	http://www.eax.com/linux2001/linux2001.txt

You forgot the obligatory Linus Thorvalds reference.

Re: New directions for kernel development

[Padraig Brady]

I actually agree with most these points,
not.
Many a true word was said in jest :-)

Padraig.

Linus Torvalds wrote:

> Hi all,
[snip]

Re: New directions for kernel development

[Wayne.Brown]

Linus Torvalds wrote:

>Virtually all users of Linux (and all other
>forms of Un*x) are unkempt, longhaired, beast-bearded dirty GNU hippies, and
>I am sick and tired of having to deal with them.

I just wish you'd bothered to make all this public sooner.  Here I am, having
spent the last couple of months growing a beard to enhance my hackerhood, and
now, just when it's starting to look good, you want me to shave it off!  That's
the whole problem with Linux.  It's about time you stopped using these
undocumented hygiene interfaces and published some solid standards!  (And don't
give me that old excuse about having your pictures right in front of us -- "A
real hacker wouldn't need documentation, he'd just read my face.")

Wayne